THE GREATEST BOOK OF IRONIES

WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS TRIGGERING QUOTES.

No religion is infallible.

Every religion is borne of loopholes that are painstakingly obvious to the eyes of logic. Things like the stars being small matters and the earth being flat and the universe being nonexistent and several other false claims. Interestingly, these loopholes are always invisible to the adherents of these religions. Perhaps, due to cognitive dissonance or… just ignorance, believers always try as much as possible to defend their faith while being the first to point out the flaws in others. Religious books like the holy bible, the Quran, the torah, carry several contrasting and inconsistent concepts; from their views on violence to murder, each of these books make it impossible for one to accurately follow instructions in them without causing internal upsets; that is, trying to keep to the laws of the books when they are so inconsistent.

The christian bible might just be the chief harbor of these ironies. Here are the ten most controversial themes of the holy bible:

10. HOLINESS

“I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope that he has given to those he called his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.” Epehsians, 1:18.

“Who shall be able to to stand before the lord, this holy god?” 1 Samuel, 6:20.

“Who is like unto thee among other gods, oh lord? Who’s like unto thee, glorious in holiness…?”

Holiness is the English word for Quodes, a Hebrew term which signifies separateness from the unholy or profane. To be holy is to be clean and pure; void of all defilement. Throughout the bible, the central theme of holiness remains the same: It is the act of keeping to god’s word without which “no man shall see” him ------ Hebrews, 12:14. However, the implementation of this term by the characters in the book, and the ways they were viewed by god himself, consistently changes over and over again. At some point, it became a relatively convenient term for those whom god had special affection. This was more particular in the Old Testament, where god would immediately smash people to death for a slight mistake and reward others for grave sins. People he didn’t love, regardless of how holy they were, were liable to die at any moment, while he always sought alternatives when his favorites actually wronged him. In the book of Samuel, a Levite named Uzziah tried to help steady the ark of covenant so that it wouldn’t fall, but god made a scape-goat out of him and struck him dead on the spot. There was basically nothing wrong with Uzziah’s actions, after all, god was supposed to “defend those who defended him.” This was in stark contrast with the situation of king David whom god hailed for his uprightness when time and again, he committed murder, adultery and idolatry. Time and again, he offended god, time and again god sought for alternatives in order to avoid punishing him. The theme off holiness continued to change throughout the text as god would warn that “holiness is nothing before” him as he would choose for himself whom shall love and save. Revelation makes this even clearer:

“… and had a wall, great and high, and had twelve gates, and at the gates twelve angels and names written thereon, which are names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel: on the east three gates; on the north three gates; on the south three gates and on the west three gates.” Revelations, 21:12-14.

This particular passage renders holiness irrelevant as it depicts the predestination of man’s afterlife. This means, god doesn’t take into account whether you are holy or not. He already knows, even before he created you, if you would go to heaven or not because he has said it and so shall it be.

Remember what else god said, though? No man shall see the heavens without holiness. So, which is it? Deeds or destiny? If man’s afterlife is preordained by god, what then is the need for holiness? If it isn’t, doesn’t that mean god should have no say in who gets saved? These are three contrasting concepts of holiness: deeds, destiny and god’s control, yet none of them answers absolutely, the prerequisite for salvation.

9. SALVATION

This is all what it is about, isn’t it? god’s desire to save his creation from eternal damnation. Man continues to go against the will of god in the scriptures, and god keeps trying to save him. (At least that’s what the scripture makes us believe) Man’s sinful nature driven from insatiable greed is the major reason for his other sins, but a thorough look at the Bible shows that this nature of man was not born out of nothingness.

“So, god made man in his own image, in the image of god he created him; male and female he created them…” Jenesis 1:27

“For you shall worship no other god, for the lord whose name is Jealous, is a jealous god…” Exodus 34:14.

The theme of salvation, is despicably harsh to man, as the above verses buttress that man was indeed made in god’s likeness. What this means is that, man’s whole nature is a reflection of the nature of his creator. Man is proud as god is proud and jealous as he is jealous. So who or what does man need saving from? Himself? Or his creator? If salvation is to have meaning, it seems god must be redeemed first for man to be free.

The arrival of Jesus Christ in the New Testament was meant to set things straight on this topic. Jesus Christ makes it clear that man is in dire need of salvation from himself and the devil- the third element in this salvation saga. The devil is the harbinger of the evil which is manifested by man; and for man to be saved from himself and the devil, he must accept belief in the ultimate sacrifice which is Jesus Christ himself. Through believe in the death and resurrection, man shall be saved from evil and sin. Jesus’ words, however, stand to contradict the words of god in Isaiah.

“I form light and create darkness, I make weal and create woe, I am the Lord, who do all these things.” Isaiah 45:7.

God admits he creates evil at his own will. He says that without him, nothing that’s ever been would be, including evil. Which means, he is the one who plants the seed of evil in man; he’s the one who created the devil himself. Everything came through him. What else does this mean? It means the death of Jesus Christ is in vain. It means, as the theme of holiness half-teaches, that salvation is TO god and god only.

8. KNOWLEDGE

Arguably the most questionable theme from the book as long as it has to do with god. The omniscient nature of god is repeatedly conveyed in the book; repeatedly, god himself keeps getting surprised by man and his actions. Right from the get-go of Genesis, god’s all-knowing character fails its first test as he does not acknowledge the ignorant nature of his own creation. Genesis makes it clear that Adam, and later, Eve, was created without the ability to reason. To know. However, there was the first chance to overcome that shortcoming as made clear to them by the serpent. Bear in mind, Adam and Eve had no seed of knowledge in them. This means they were devoid of the ability to discern right from wrong. This was why they succumbed to the temptation to eat from the fruit of knowledge of good and evil without any resistance whatsoever. God eventually finds out and is infuriated and disappointed in them so much so that he curses them forever.

Now, this narrative paints a picture of the, simply put, moronic nature of god. First, he knew Adam and Eve would succumb to the temptation in the garden since they couldn’t think for themselves yet; He also knew that he would get angry at their failure and he would curse them even though they knew not what failure was.  He proceeds to punish them for accomplishing what he set them to, and for that, the rest of humanity inherited this curse.

OR

He actually had no clue what was going to happen. He had no clue that man was going get tempted by the serpent. He had no clue that man would fall. Which means he isn’t, by any means, omniscient. What then makes him god?

7. TRUTH

Is truth relative or absolute?

There’s a reason why the word “truth” is often used as a synonym for “gospel”; because it’s been inculcated into christian minds that the word of god (Be that Christ or the actual book) is absolutely true. But the truth is that the bible is littered with lies, and unproven theories, and unfulfilled promises and covenants, whether we want to accept that or not. We could start with the father of all nations Abraham calling Sarah his sister instead of his wife. We could not just wave that off because she was his relative indeed, the lie was too petty! But Abraham was not even the first righteous liar in the bible; god comfortably inherits that title. When he promised that Adam and Eve would die the day they “eat of the fruit”. Some christians explain that he meant a different kind of death, but would they see the interpretation if the exact same thing occurred in other religious books like the Islamic Quran?

This is why you see several christians interpret a single passage of the bible in several different ways and claim it was the work of the holy spirit. All these interpretations lead to questions on the credibility of the book.  If the death command was metaphorical, which other passages of the bible are not literal? The fruit? The garden? God himself?

6. POWER

A spin-off from the last two themes, but even more contradictory. The concept of power as it relates to god is a debate as old as when people realized the fictitious nature of the bible. Just how powerful is god? The bible claims he is omnipotent but he countlessly found himself being slapped in the face by problems he was "too powerful" to overcome. In the beginning, it looked like his powers were for good, but as things progressed, he became a villainous monster who used his power to sanction evil, while indemnifying himself of the consequences of his own actions.

His methods were laughable as well. One would assume that an omnipotent being wouldn’t be stumbling against the consciousness of his creations, or be in an unending war with his ex-best friend, or have to kill himself, resurrect and ascend back into heaven in other to save the world for the third time when he could just fix everything by the click of his fingers. How could an almighty give his creation the ability to conjure up sin to destroy his entire work when the said creator claims to be without sin?

5. WAR

War is not a good thing; simple and short. There could never be a justifiable reason for war if the main victims are going to be innocent women and children, especially when there is chance for peace. Especially when one has the power to make peace. For some reason, though, god seemed to enjoy war the most. He kept ordering for war and more war even when his soldiers were tired of fighting, or seeking for peace. He, instead of bringing peace, uses his might to make more war.  God would often order his chosen people to go to distant, peaceful lands who did them no wrong, and destroy everything in them. Think about the infants who knew not their lefts from their rights. Think about the heavily pregnant women with unforgiving swords through their bellies. About the just-married lovers who got no opportunity to even share a communion. Because an omnipotent god just felt like they did not deserve to live.

The worst? These wars are seeing as glorious acts of god. Today’s churches give all kinds of justification for these murders (they were worshiping other gods immediately springs to mind); and if that is not enough, Jesus Christ promises us that god is not done. In short, he is coming with the kind of war yet to be recorded in human history.

4. SLAVERY

Slavery is widely regarded as one of the greatest wrongs in the history of mankind. Slavery was seen as an evil tool in the hands of long-gone tyrants. But isn’t it stunning how the chief advocate of slavery is the holy bible? A fight against slavery can be considered a fight against one of the basic tenets of christianity.

“These are the laws you are to set before them: if you buy a Hebrew servant, he is to serve you for six years. But in the seventh year he shall go free without paying anything. If he comes alone, he is to go free alone; but if has a wife when he comes, she is to go with him. If his master gives him a wife and she bear him sons or daughter, the woman and children shall belong to the master and only the man shall go free. But if the servant declares ‘I love my master and my wife and children and not want to go free,’ then his master must take him before the judges. He shall take him to the door or the doorpost and pierce his ear with an awl. Then he will be his servant for life…” Exodus, 21.

Exodus is basically the patient zero of the bible slavery epidemic as god consistently lays down his love for man servitude to man. Even when the messiah arrives in the New Testament, he emphasizes on the duties of the slave to his master while advocating they remain in chains.

3. THE NEW WORLDS

“See, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in what I create, for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy.” Isaiah, 65:17-19.

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea…” Revelations, 21:11.

These bible passages are prophetic in that they foreshadow the biblical end of time; where god promises to wipe everything that is old and make everything new. There shall be no more death. No sin. No sickness. A very beautiful paradise. A very beautiful prophesy.

One who knows the bible through and true would actually wonder what is going to be different after reading these passages. After all, god already created two new worlds in the past and did not succeed in keeping sin away from them. The first was desecrated by just two people without brains; the second by the eight most righteous persons on all of earth. So, where is the logic that this third new world would not be filled with sin as soon as possible considering the number of people who would inherit it? In fact, with the one constant in all these being god himself, will he be able to save the new world from himself? It is no stretch to think that the new world is going to collapse like the other two, all things considered.

2. FREEWILL

A word that Christians desperately hate and love to hear at the same time. The bible states that man makes his own decisions, and would be rewarded according to the works of their own hands. It writes that, to man, god has given powers that other creations simply do not have.

The bible also says that before man is even conceived, god knows their end from the beginning. He is the “author and finisher” who directs the heart of man to his glory. In the hollow of his hand, he controls all of man’s activities.

These are two very contrasting narratives from the same book. Like a blind man that sees, or a married bachelor, the bible tries to fit two directly opposites together. There are several instances in the holy book where men were going to make different decisions and god would turn their hearts against them. Christians celebrate these instances as god displaying his power over man, but still believe in the existence of freewill. It can only ever be one or the other, but never both.

1.      LOVE

The fact that there is an everlasting punishment against man from his all-loving creator makes mockery of the existence of any kind of love in the book. Several times in the scripture do we read the words WOE UNTO MAN… preceded by brutal resolutions, there is simply no love in the heart of the biblical god for man, because of all the characteristics of love explained in the book, god possesses none. And if he did, then that is the greatest irony of all.